What this brought up? Duh- everything!!!!! So relateable. I'm sending this to my kids, my husband and all my aging friends who are all grateful to be on the other side of all those damn kid duties. Even with well meaning offers of help from competant dads- the mental load of organizing all this shit still falls to the mum. Good luck, young mothers, with changing the narrative- it's a slow process!
Thank you Sue! I think what's so hard about the mental load is that the people who aren't carrying it have a hard time understanding what it is or why it can be so hard. That's one reason I keep talking about it... so we can get to that shared understanding!
I'm a dad. My wife and I have been married for 18 years, with kids 17 and 13.
I agree that my wife takes care of 80% of the child-rearing responsibilities, especially since I was in the military.
But, the financial gymnastics are just as bad, if not worse. Being a provider requires much more detail than just making money.
To ensure your family is moving in the right financial direction, you'll need to make decisions that affect the past, present, and future.
If you want your partner to worry about school bus numbers, don't expect them to have a plan for paying for college. No one's work inside the house is superior to another's. We need both equally.
I agree, though this particular post was primarily about households in which both parents are financial providers. Only about 7% of U.S. households now follow the "traditional" model of dad as sole provider and mom as homemaker (https://www.prb.org/resources/traditional-families-account-for-only-7-percent-of-u-s-households/). Many studies show that when both parents work, even when earnings are the same or when mom out-earns dad, the mother still ends up taking on more childrearing and household management duties at the expense of her leisure time.
What this brought up? Duh- everything!!!!! So relateable. I'm sending this to my kids, my husband and all my aging friends who are all grateful to be on the other side of all those damn kid duties. Even with well meaning offers of help from competant dads- the mental load of organizing all this shit still falls to the mum. Good luck, young mothers, with changing the narrative- it's a slow process!
Thank you Sue! I think what's so hard about the mental load is that the people who aren't carrying it have a hard time understanding what it is or why it can be so hard. That's one reason I keep talking about it... so we can get to that shared understanding!
I'm a dad. My wife and I have been married for 18 years, with kids 17 and 13.
I agree that my wife takes care of 80% of the child-rearing responsibilities, especially since I was in the military.
But, the financial gymnastics are just as bad, if not worse. Being a provider requires much more detail than just making money.
To ensure your family is moving in the right financial direction, you'll need to make decisions that affect the past, present, and future.
If you want your partner to worry about school bus numbers, don't expect them to have a plan for paying for college. No one's work inside the house is superior to another's. We need both equally.
I agree, though this particular post was primarily about households in which both parents are financial providers. Only about 7% of U.S. households now follow the "traditional" model of dad as sole provider and mom as homemaker (https://www.prb.org/resources/traditional-families-account-for-only-7-percent-of-u-s-households/). Many studies show that when both parents work, even when earnings are the same or when mom out-earns dad, the mother still ends up taking on more childrearing and household management duties at the expense of her leisure time.