I've lived as a renter in a DC suburb most of my adult life, as a single child-free woman. It is incredibly difficult to find a community. I have dear friends of decades who now live more than an hour's drive away, are moving back to Maine, or who live in Connecticut.
It's only in the past two years that I've formed a friendship with a woman who lives in the apartment next door. She spent the night in the ER with me after I dislocated my hip.
While she has a husband and a teenager, the fact that she mostly works from home has made it possible to form a relationship. We share food, and she can sometimes give me a ride to a doctor's appointment. She occasionally stops by Friday afternoon for a chat.
I used to have a group of female friends with whom I played basketball one night a week in a local school gym. That ended with COVID. School closed plus we aged out after 2 years of inactivity. It's hard for 60+ year old bodies to get back in shape for a strenuous team sport.
I honestly think one can only form a community through church, when your kids are in grade school, you live in the same area as your family, or you live in a small town. We are just too spread out, pulled in too many directions, and exhaust ourselves commuting, working, and maintaining homes to have much left over
Even with kids in grade school, we've had a hard time. The school does offer some form of community but it's very hard to be truly involved while working full-time. Sadly, our culture, including the designs of our buildings and neighborhoods, just simply isn't build for facilitating connection.
I agree! It's even worse living in multi-unit buildings. The physically closer you are to strangers the more it seems you try to create "space" psychologically speaking.
It's a theme! So many of us are missing this kind of community, which some of us never had. While I've been seeing a lot of people lately talking about how church creates community, I haven't seen many good alternatives. In our increasingly expensive cities and sprawling suburbs, it's hard to create an intentional community of, say, friends living close together. But we need to find ways to address this significant loss.
Love your daughter's questions about "this Jesus fellow"! BTW, I once had a boss who was of Indian descent but grew up in New Jersey. She also had cerebral palsy. She went to a Mormon church with her best friend in high school and was hooked. She credited the community of the Mormon church with supporting her when she had four kids, given her disability. She was married, but they really needed a supportive community and she found it in that church.
Yes, your story this week caught my attention because I was writing about something so similar! I think our collective failure to build community outside the context of the church is holding us back in so many ways. Not just the lack of support but also the lack of civic engagement and collective activism. Thanks for reading!
Such a great acknowledgement of the lack of community. We just moved across the country and we joined a church mostly to give my daughter access to other children, music, and activities. Like you, we’ve made some big jumps to find community. From UU to Catholic Church with my MIL to a Methodist church. I’m drawn to all the fringe types wherever we go and deep down I know we don’t really fit in church. But what’s the alternative?
I haven't found a great alternative yet! My partner and I joke about building a church without the religion part. I've tried to organize some neighborhood get-togethers but most of my community building efforts, including a babysitting co-op, have just kind of fizzled out.
I've lived as a renter in a DC suburb most of my adult life, as a single child-free woman. It is incredibly difficult to find a community. I have dear friends of decades who now live more than an hour's drive away, are moving back to Maine, or who live in Connecticut.
It's only in the past two years that I've formed a friendship with a woman who lives in the apartment next door. She spent the night in the ER with me after I dislocated my hip.
While she has a husband and a teenager, the fact that she mostly works from home has made it possible to form a relationship. We share food, and she can sometimes give me a ride to a doctor's appointment. She occasionally stops by Friday afternoon for a chat.
I used to have a group of female friends with whom I played basketball one night a week in a local school gym. That ended with COVID. School closed plus we aged out after 2 years of inactivity. It's hard for 60+ year old bodies to get back in shape for a strenuous team sport.
I honestly think one can only form a community through church, when your kids are in grade school, you live in the same area as your family, or you live in a small town. We are just too spread out, pulled in too many directions, and exhaust ourselves commuting, working, and maintaining homes to have much left over
Even with kids in grade school, we've had a hard time. The school does offer some form of community but it's very hard to be truly involved while working full-time. Sadly, our culture, including the designs of our buildings and neighborhoods, just simply isn't build for facilitating connection.
I agree! It's even worse living in multi-unit buildings. The physically closer you are to strangers the more it seems you try to create "space" psychologically speaking.
It's a theme! So many of us are missing this kind of community, which some of us never had. While I've been seeing a lot of people lately talking about how church creates community, I haven't seen many good alternatives. In our increasingly expensive cities and sprawling suburbs, it's hard to create an intentional community of, say, friends living close together. But we need to find ways to address this significant loss.
Love your daughter's questions about "this Jesus fellow"! BTW, I once had a boss who was of Indian descent but grew up in New Jersey. She also had cerebral palsy. She went to a Mormon church with her best friend in high school and was hooked. She credited the community of the Mormon church with supporting her when she had four kids, given her disability. She was married, but they really needed a supportive community and she found it in that church.
Yes, your story this week caught my attention because I was writing about something so similar! I think our collective failure to build community outside the context of the church is holding us back in so many ways. Not just the lack of support but also the lack of civic engagement and collective activism. Thanks for reading!
So many ways! I feel like most of the ills in our society can be traced back to lack of community. Always enjoy reading your pieces!
Such a great acknowledgement of the lack of community. We just moved across the country and we joined a church mostly to give my daughter access to other children, music, and activities. Like you, we’ve made some big jumps to find community. From UU to Catholic Church with my MIL to a Methodist church. I’m drawn to all the fringe types wherever we go and deep down I know we don’t really fit in church. But what’s the alternative?
I haven't found a great alternative yet! My partner and I joke about building a church without the religion part. I've tried to organize some neighborhood get-togethers but most of my community building efforts, including a babysitting co-op, have just kind of fizzled out.
I like your church idea. Yes, it’s hard to make community work in the modern world. Good for you for making the effort though! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 It’s a start.
Thank you, and really appreciate the re-post!